Thursday, December 18, 2008

Hard Times Just Get Worse

I was really debating on whether or not to make this post, but it has been something that has really been bothering me for some time and to be quite honest I need to get it off my chest. After quitting my job of over 10 years in order to stay home with my son, I decided to take up babysitting in my home in order to help bring in some extra money for us. Not only have I been babysitting since I was fresh out of high school, but have done it here and there and everywhere. I was a Nanny fresh out of high school and truly loved it. I really enjoy children and I love spending time with them.
Well, it was during the summer when one of the little girls that I babysat for and her parents decided to take a trip to the local daycare here in the area. After touring the daycare, they decided that they weren't real comfortable with sending her there which is what I have heard from many other people. They said that they would continue to keep her in my care until she turned 3 and then they would again look for another pre-school. I was fine with that because there comes a time when you have to send your child to pre-school so they can continue to grow and learn more things. Fast forward a couple months..... Remind you that this little girl was in my care for almost 2 years. We treated this little girl like she was our own. We would take her to places in order to make things easier on her parents and their inability to leave work. We were very flexible which is something that you need when you have parents that work and we took great care of her or so I thought.
Well, the week before my surgery was a very easy week. I had my son and 2 other little girls in my care and they all got along great. They played with the numerous amounts of toys that we have, watched some tv, danced, had fun reading and we even did a few crafts. It was an easy week which is what I wanted especially before my surgery so I could also tackle alot of other things that needed to be done around my house. I did however confront this little girl's Mom about a concern that I had for some time. I didn't say much and never really said much because I pretty much felt sorry for the little girl. There were numerous times when this little girl would come to my home in the morning and she would be soaking wet....her diaper would be full of urine and it was like they hadn't even changed her as soon as she woke up. She would sit on my furniture or on the floor to watch tv or play and I would normally change her after an hour of being at my home. Well, when she arrived, I noticed that her pants were soaked.....not only in the front, but also in the back. I changed her diaper instantly and noticed that it was literally soaked to the point that it was just hanging on her by the diaper tabs.....barely hanging on. Well, I decided to confront her Mom because I was more or less worn out with her coming to my home with a soaking wet diaper and sitting on my furniture or new carpet and staining it or ruining it. Well, she became quite defensive and to be honest I don't blame her, but I wanted to make sure that I brought it to her attention and that I did and we moved on. I just wanted there to be a change in things and I was worn out with my stiff being ruined. Rewind a couple months back (gosh, I have you all over the place - huh) these folks took a vacation and one thing I allow every child is at least 5 days off UNPAID for their parents to do whatever they want with them (sick, vacation, appointments) and they asked if they could take their 5 days off for vacation as unpaid and I said "Sure, I would actually prefer that so we can get paid around Christmas time". Who wouldn't want to get paid around Christmas time - right? Well, we all agreed that would be fine.
Well, to make this long story short and to get to the point..... the night before my surgery, I received a call from this little girl's Dad and he asked me if his daughter fell and hurt herself today. I said "No, things were real calm today and there was no crying or hurt kids". I told him that it was an easy week and all the kids just played and had a good time with one another. He then proceeded to inform me that he found a bruise on his daugther and I told him that there were numerous times that I changed her throughout the day and didn't notice or see anything, but then again I wasn't looking for anything either. Well, he left it as that and wished me well with my surgery. The day of my surgery..... my hubby comes home to check e-mail that evening while I am still in the hospital and he finds an e-mail from her parents where they said basically that they were implying that I abused this little girl. Of course I wasn't understanding a whole lot when he first told me because I had pretty major surgery and was pretty high on pain meds and still recovering from the anesthesia. Well, the day after my surgery when my husband came to see me, he informed me what they said and read off the e-mail to me. I was really upset that these parents could accuse me of hurting their child. I cared for this little girl for almost 2 years, treat her as though she was our own and loved and cared for her so much and then they accuse me of hurting her. It was very upsetting to me!! I was hurt and was upset, but to be honest there wasn't a whole lot that I could do with a cut open belly and still in the hospital while experiencing ALOT of pain. Well, my DH called them and left a message and they never called back. I tried calling and also sent an e-mail to her Mom and she responded that she was pulling her from my care and she also found a daycare close to her place of employment. Well, I am sure it is like this everwhere, but daycare's do not just have openings for any and all children when they need care. They always have waiting lists especially in this very well known area where I use to work for over 10 years. Getting into these daycare's is not any easy or short task to say the least. My whole point with this is that I am still very much hurt that they accused me of such a hideous thing. I would NEVER lay a hand on any child.... I find it to be absolutely UNACCEPTABLE when people abuse children or other people for that matter. I guess I have also got to the point that this money that I was bringing in was helping tremendously with Christmas gifts. Now, we are out of that money and that makes me upset. The whole situation just frustrates me and makes me unhappy. Not only do we miss her company, but we also are REALLY missing out on the money that was going to help with Christmas gifts. I sit here and think about why they would do something like this. If they wanted to send her to a daycare then why not just tell me instead of accusing me of something that I would NEVER do. Anyway, now I have shared this story that I wasn't real sure about sharing, but I did and I am hoping you all share your thoughts and feelings on this situation as well. My husband works hard at 2 jobs. He is a teacher during the day and works at a local grocery store part-time. I feel bad that he works 2 jobs and now I am sitting here doing nothing while I recover. It has put a strain on our marriage, our relationship and I can't help, but to think that I am so anxious to get back up and running so I can go out and get a part-time job in the evening so I too can help bring in money. I am not sure I can get much more frustrated right now. I know that things are bad for other people and I realize that other people may have it worse then us, but this is our struggle and what we are dealing with right now and to be honest.... it is enough to make us wanna scream.


Brandi,Dan & Lukas said...

I am so sorry Lisa I know you would never hurt a child. I think that is horrible that they would accuse you of that. I would document things and keep all the emails and emails you sent back just in case. Can you maybe advertise to get another child to watch in your home? I know that it is hard when money is tight. Money is defenitly tight in our household with me not working and my husband only making fifteen dollars an hour. Plus all our fertility treatments and another baby on the way. I know how hard it is. All I can say is pray for answers talk with your husband make a decesion that is best for you.

FlyAway said...

How horrible Lisa, for them to accuse someone of such a thing!
Honestly if my child was in any way harmed the authorities would have been called, or some sort of report would have been made. SO in saying this and they have not presued anything (just from what you are posting) and they had come up with horrible excuse to pull her out of your care, damage the relationship you had with them and their child, jepordize your reputation, hurt you and your family, and not even have the balls (excuse me for saying that! but it just peeves me when people do not think about what harm false accuactions will bring)-to say to your face or at least call you they email you!
Oh my gosh! I would do like brandi said keep records of everything.

Can you run a Christmas special, I know it is last minute but is there a way you can post some kind of special on craigslist, or local adversisement for parents that need to have daycare while they are shopping, maybe take some kids over this weekend-for the day at a special rate?

Were these young parents? some do not know how to communicate and maybe take constructive feedback (like you were trying to talk about the diaper incident). not that it's an excuse.
Sorry for long comment, it just peeves me when good loving people get accused of such a thing.

Aspiemom said...

I don't know what to say. I, too, used to be a Nanny and later when we adopted our son I took care of someone else's son. But I never faced what you are facing.

I hope you are able to get another child to take care of, in this person's place, so that some of the financial pressure lets up. My husband used to work 3 jobs. Now he works 1, but it entails being gone all week.

It always hurts being accused by someone and it's frustrating to be accused of something you didn't do and not able to prove yourself innocent. I would just say that these people are suffering, too, because something is obviously wrong there and they've also lost a caring and good caretaker for their child.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, especially at this time of year.

He And Me + 3 said...

Wow, I am in total shock. I think that is very rude of them, but I am also thinking that you are now better off with her in a daycare. Sorry the situation turned out not so well. Hope that you are feeling better soon and I know it hurts to be accused of something, but you didn't do anything, so they are the ones with the problem. Not you.
Feel better:)

Kelly said...

Oh Lisa, I am so sorry you are going through this. You do not deserve this. (especially right now)
I will say a prayer that this all works out in a positive way.
Take this negative and make it a positive.
Just keep praying and things will turn around.
Right now focus on your healing.
Your marriage is strong, while it is never fun to have strain put on it, you will make it out stronger than before.
For the record, I do not believe for a minute that you would be capable of doing anything harmful to a child.

Stacey said...

It hurts me to know that you have been hurt in such an awful way. This couple must not have the capability to know what is right and wrong. They in my mind have some learning to do of their own, especially as parents. Did they go through fertility treatments to get their precious child like you did? If only they would stop and think about all of the trials and prayers that you went through to give life to Cameron, then maybe their minds would change about the type of care that you gave to their little one. Unfortuantely in today's society a lot of people are "me" oriented and only think of themselves and what is in it for them. They don't consider others and their actions to others. One of the hardest things that I have to deal with is the fact that people who should not have children seem to be able to have them when ever they want and how many thay want, even when the children they have may truly not be wanted or are taken care of and neglected. As you know from Shawn being a teacher, the school that I last taught in was this reality and it really bothers me and makes me quite bitter knowing that Scott and I are so much in love with each other and only want to express that love to everyone by having a family of our own.

Hang in there. Scott and I know what it is like to try and shuffle things around and be in a pinch for money. We right now are having some hard times because of wedding bills, credit cards and a huge loss on crops this year. You will make it through, keep the faith and I know God will see you through this. You are so creative, I know that you will find some way to make this Christmas special for your family, your parents and Shawn's parents.

When God closes a door He opens a window and right now, I have to keep that in mind for myself. The window that he opens may be a beautiful rainbow or sunshine that fills your spirit with his new calling for you. It will be awesome I am sure!

Love you, Shawn and Cameron very much! You are always in our prayers, and such an important part of the family to us!

Lots of smiles today,

Elaine said...

Aww, Lisa, I am so sorry your are going through this... I will be praying that God will set you in the right direction...I will never understand how and why people can be so mean.

Amy B said...

I am not online right now do to my surgery but when I read this I was just shocked and really mad. First of all anyone who knows you knows you LOVE children and fought really hard to be a mommy. The fact that these people used you to take care of their daughter for so long shows they had to trust you. No one decides all of the sudden that a Nanny is abusing their child and emails them about it..
They found a daycare and were not honest enough to tell you...because they wanted to lead you on until they were settled with their plans. Sorry that is just awful and cruel. They are users. Plain and know what...daycare will teach them a lesson. They have been spoiled by you and they do not know how good they have it...they will..
Now enough of need a job...and I want to help.
I know my neighbor uses some nanny sites and got a few great jobs from them...
This is the only one I can remember...I am on pain meds..ha
I will get the list and make sure I get them to you...asap.
Lisa...I am really sorry this happened. But Thank God you now know how dangerous these people can be...they could of caused you and your family a lot of legal heartache.

Earl Gearl said...

I worked in childcare for 2 years and was accused of causing a bruise once. Luckily, the owner blew it off to the mom and I wasn't reprimanded or written up. I was horribley upset because I would never do that. I think children should act with respect to the adults around them, but I didn't hurt them if they misbehaved. You really can't get away from these types of situations. They stink, but some people have to make up things to make themselves feel better about thier lot in life. It really is a horrible way to live and they will eventually reap what they sow.

Shannon said...

Sorry you had to deal with all that right after surgery. I also understand about money being tight and that putting a kink in things. I hope something comes along for you soon.