Thursday, December 18, 2008

Do you ever feel icky about yourself?

Do you ever have days or weeks where you just feel icky about yourself? Well, today has been one of those days for me. Can you tell that I need to hurry up and recuperate from this surgery before it sends me over the edge? (lol) Anyway, today it got the best of me and I spent some time crying this morning. I am so frustrated that I am not able to do anything to help anyone and/or do anything to help my hubby or family to help make things easier on them. Don't get me wrong - I am doing better, but today was just an off day for me. I showered and still cannot dry my left butt cheek or left leg due to too much twisting and turning and it still causing pain and discomfort. So, I have to ask my sweet hubby for help which I hate, but he never complains and of course always does it with a smile. I got dressed shortly after brushing my teeth and not before looking at my body (particularly my belly). I literally look like I have been through some war or some fight and lost, lost BIG. I have bruises all over my belly, my arms, my legs and my belly is covered in staples. My hair needs cut and I literally feel like a mess. I look like a mess too!! So, today I spent alot of time thinking to myself..... why in the world does my hubby continue to stand by my side, love me for me and why in the world does he find me attractive? Ugh, I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do and I can't help, but feel this way about myself. We have a Christmas party to go to this weekend (a family party) and I am looking forward to it, but who knows how long I will be able to last. I have no energy to do much of anything and still do not have my strength built back up and all I can think about is ruining the day for my hubby. So, who knows what Saturday will bring, but I am looking forward to it, but just hoping that I can hang with the big dogs or maybe I should say "Hang with the Family". So, do you ever experience days like this and how do you cope with them? How do you make things better and try to see the positive in things? Normally I am a very positive person, actually can't stand to hang around negative people, but lately, I am in need of a little pep talk. This surgery, recovery and everything that goes along with it is getting the best of me. Any pointers that you may have would be much appreciated. Thank you as always for listening.

7 comments:

Amy B said...

YOu and me...we are feeling the same today. I had a shock at the dr...and it has crushed my spirts.
How about you and me just climb up on the couch and cry and moan and watch some semi trashy reruns of reality TV...ha

Ashley Griffin said...

sure, we all have those days. but that is just the old devil trying to fill our heads w/lies. we aren't good enough, we are a disappointment... whatever, you fill in the blanks. that's when we have to pull out the Word to remind ourselves of where our self worth really is!

Elaine said...

I agree with Ashley, it is the devil. I have had many of those days. Praying you will feel better soon.

Davisix said...

You are definitely not alone. And Ashley said it best. Find some time to delve into God's word and KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that HE loves you no matter how you're feeling.

I also like to watch old home videos of the kids. They always make me laugh. :) Ang

Kelly said...

I agree with everyone else. We all have those days. And it does help to say a prayer and like Ang said, read a little of the bible. (I am sending you an email with great verses for different times in our lives)
Something else that might help (on the outside) if it is not too painful or you...put a little make up on and curl your hair. (obviously if you are not already doing these things) On a daily basis I do not wear make up just around the house, so if I am feeling blah or having an off day, I will fix my hair the way I like and put on a touch of make up (or at least lipsttick, which I hardly ever wear) and for whatever reason it lifts me up.
This worked for me after I had CJ and was in the hospital for 8 days. On day 5 I wanted out of there SO BAD. They FINALLY allowed me to have a "bath/shower" and my sister curled my hair for me and I put on a little make up...this worked wonders.
We are here for you too, whenever you need.
HUGS!!!
Saying a prayer that this time/feeling will pass quickly and your recovery continues.

Aspiemom said...

Yes, we all have days like that. Some have them more than others (me!) and I do think that Satan is trying steal our joy in the Lord.

I have had several major surgeries and I remember how long it was until the anesthesia was completely out of me and I felt some energy. And I remember I felt sore for a while and yucky. You feel more like a patient than womanly, right?

I hope you enjoy your party this weekend and are feeling more like your old self, soon.

Stacey said...

Most definitely do I have days like that, as you have probably seen on my blog from Thursday, I had a day like that. I also agree with the other ladies, reading my Bible and doing some praying always helps me. For me when I have days like that, it makes me think that God is putting my life back into perspective so that I focus on Him and not other things. There are so many more reasons that Shawn loves you than just for your looks and extended recovery. Remember God put your hearts together and will keep you together and strong. Rely on Him and He will continue to help your marriage prosper and continue to get stronger and stronger. Sometimes trials and tribulations are what makes us stronger as you most likely already know. Best wishes with your family Christmas party. I am sure that they will all, including Shawn, be understanding. Take it easy and maybe you will be able to have some extra strength for the party. You are beautiful just the way you are and don't let yourself think anything else. I admire you in many ways and am one of the luckiest people in the whole world. Shawn was not the only lucky family member the day that you got married, our family got a most amazing and strong woman and someone that I look up to. Love you lots and will talk to you soon!