Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Still holding out hope.....

Well, I was told that I indeed ovulated and I am still holding out hope that the Clomid worked for us this time. I still haven't seen AF arrive and to be honest with you..... she could stay away for 9 months and I wouldn't care one bit. I was told by my doctors office that if I don't start my period by the 27th then I should take a HPT. Well, I am still holding out hope that we are pregnant and that Clomid worked for us. I am not sure how I feel about taking a HPT. I have seen so many negatives in the past years that it makes me so nervous to take one and risk seeing that negative. It sounds strange, but alot of women that have dealt with infertility probably understand me when I say that a part of me thinks that if I don't take a HPT and I still haven't started my period then I could still possibly be pregnant and then a part of you holds on to that and you hope and pray that it could indeed be a positive. So, that is where I stand right now. I am nervous, anxious, scared, and did I mention scared? I know that if it comes back negative then we are just going to drop the subject of trying to have another baby. I know that I can't go through the process of being on Clomid again. My husband Shawn doesn't like it when I am on it either so, that is probably where things will end. I hate giving up on my dream of having another child, but I have been blessed with Cameron and for that I am thankful. It does make things a bit easier this time around knowing that I have a child already and I know for a fact that I probably wouldn't give up if I didn't have Cameron. There is just something inside almost every woman that longs to be a Mom, to experience pregnancy, to feel that baby move inside her belly and to experience all the joys of Motherhood. I know for a fact that I truly LOVED being pregnant..... I loved everything about it. I was nauseated morning, noon, and night up until I gave birth but I knew that it would all be worth it when Cameron was born and indeed it was. It was difficult getting pregnant, the pregnancy hormones constantly had me sick and hovering over the toilet and I had to have a c-section after 31 hours of labor, but still to this day I can honestly say that I would do it all over again. Being a mother is the best job that I could have asked for and to be honest "You never know what love is til you are called Mommy". I hear that word on a daily basis and I never get sick of it. I don't think I could ever imagine my life without Cameron in it. He is the brightest star in my sky, he is my sunshine that I see every single day, he is the air that I breath and he truly has completed our lives. He is the best gift that God has given us and I am so truly blessed. So, here is to hoping that we will be blessed with another little bundle of joy. I will be sure to keep you posted!!

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