Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Clomid and Mood Swings

Well, I am done with all of my Clomid pills for this month. Now for the fun part of trying to make that baby that we want. It is definitely different from last time. I now have our little Cameron that will be 19 months on August 6th and he is growing everyday. So, I know that if we don't conceive then at least we have our little boy that is so very precious to me.

My mood swings are in full force right now. My sister has been suffering with endometreosis for many many years and has had her fill with it. Luckily, she has 2 kids (Corey and Ashley) that are both beautiful children in their own way. My sister is 38 and she informed me that she doesn't want anymore kids so with her having a hysterectomy today I guess that is a good thing. I guess that my sister and I are different when it comes to things like this. I am still so desperately wanting more children and I feel for her that she is having all of her female parts taken out today that it just makes my heart ache. I am so worried for her and to be honest I can't control my emotions today. I called one last time to check on her and talk to her and she is scared to death and just so worried and I kinda know how she feels. I guess I think back to 2004 when they wheeled me in to have surgery, they removed my right fallopian tube and right there inside my fallopian tube was our first little baby. Little did I know that I was so far along.... I was 2 months pregnant and I didn't even know that I was so far along. All I knew is that they were going to remove my tube and more importantly that little baby that Shawn and I wanted so very much!! I know that my sister is done having children and she has been having so many female problems over the years, but a part of me still feels that this is such a BIG step and I feel bad that she even has to make such a difficult step. She hasn't had a chance to do any research, to talk much about the hormone replacement or anything and I feel in my heart that it was such a BIG step so FAST. I am truly an emotional wreck for her and being on these meds doesn't allow me to control my moods so easily. Journaling does however allow me to put my thoughts out there with hopes that I am sharing them with others and perhaps helping someone else. It is strange because there are times when I think about other women that are so young that have to have the same surgery and they probably didn't even have that chance to have children and when I think about that...... it breaks my heart!! I hope that this is the answer to my sisters many female problems. I hope that she will recover and be able to get back to where she use to be before endometreosis took over her life. In the mean time I am going to try my best to get my emotions back on track and stop crying (lol). Thanks to all who listen.

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