MOOD SWINGS ARE AWFUL

Well, things are ok here. It has been quite an awful month to be quite honest with all of you. I totally thought that perhaps the Clomid wouldn't be that bad this time around since I already have our little boy, but I was wrong. I guess I didn't realize how bad this fertility drug was until it started causing havoc in my life. WOW, lets talk about some messed up hormones, mood swings, mood swings and did I mention mood swings? It has been so terribly bad that my husband and I sat down to talk about what we are going to do next month if we didn't become pregnant. Well, after that conversation we decided to STOP the Clomid and just enjoy our little boy. This fertility drug is truly enough to make me want to climb the walls, scream at the top of my lungs, cry, laugh and whatever else strikes my fancy. I would normally be able to handle things and I wouldn't get so upset, but I am truly someone that I am not familiar with at all and it isn't fun!! I am ready for these fertility meds to be out of my system and for me to get back to the person that I am use to being. It is strange when you feel like you are out of control and you realize it, but you just basically have to wait til the meds are out of your system to feel better. Being infertile is definitely a very tough road for anyone and then when you throw medication on top of the emotions and hormones that you are already coping with it makes it even more difficult. I always wanted more then 1 child because I wanted Cameron to have someone to play with and I know for a fact that he would be an EXCELLENT Big Brother, but if we don't have another one then it won't be the end of the world and I have realized that. I am just so very happy and blessed that I have 1 child and he brings so much love, laughter, and light to our lives. I go in for bloodwork on the 18th. . . . that will let me know if I ovulated so we will see what takes place then. We are not giving up hope and we are keeping the FAITH, but I will feel a sense of relief once I am done with the roller coaster of emotions and the Clomid is out of my system. I will keep you all posted.

Clomid and Mood Swings

Well, I am done with all of my Clomid pills for this month. Now for the fun part of trying to make that baby that we want. It is definitely different from last time. I now have our little Cameron that will be 19 months on August 6th and he is growing everyday. So, I know that if we don't conceive then at least we have our little boy that is so very precious to me.

My mood swings are in full force right now. My sister has been suffering with endometreosis for many many years and has had her fill with it. Luckily, she has 2 kids (Corey and Ashley) that are both beautiful children in their own way. My sister is 38 and she informed me that she doesn't want anymore kids so with her having a hysterectomy today I guess that is a good thing. I guess that my sister and I are different when it comes to things like this. I am still so desperately wanting more children and I feel for her that she is having all of her female parts taken out today that it just makes my heart ache. I am so worried for her and to be honest I can't control my emotions today. I called one last time to check on her and talk to her and she is scared to death and just so worried and I kinda know how she feels. I guess I think back to 2004 when they wheeled me in to have surgery, they removed my right fallopian tube and right there inside my fallopian tube was our first little baby. Little did I know that I was so far along.... I was 2 months pregnant and I didn't even know that I was so far along. All I knew is that they were going to remove my tube and more importantly that little baby that Shawn and I wanted so very much!! I know that my sister is done having children and she has been having so many female problems over the years, but a part of me still feels that this is such a BIG step and I feel bad that she even has to make such a difficult step. She hasn't had a chance to do any research, to talk much about the hormone replacement or anything and I feel in my heart that it was such a BIG step so FAST. I am truly an emotional wreck for her and being on these meds doesn't allow me to control my moods so easily. Journaling does however allow me to put my thoughts out there with hopes that I am sharing them with others and perhaps helping someone else. It is strange because there are times when I think about other women that are so young that have to have the same surgery and they probably didn't even have that chance to have children and when I think about that...... it breaks my heart!! I hope that this is the answer to my sisters many female problems. I hope that she will recover and be able to get back to where she use to be before endometreosis took over her life. In the mean time I am going to try my best to get my emotions back on track and stop crying (lol). Thanks to all who listen.